LIFE WITH ADULT CHILDREN...
Keep your mouth shut and the welcome mat out!
Hello there, lovely readers.
I hope this edition finds you well and ploughing on with 2025. Although the world isn’t in the best of places right now, we’ve lived through times like this before (remember the recession stricken 1980’s?) and we know that hopefully things will balance out and steady themselves eventually.
Well, that’s my hope, as naive as it may be, but I’m trying to look on the brighter side.
So, to distract us a little bit, I thought I’d look at an area that I’ve wanted to cover for a while. And it’s the relationship we have with our adult children.
It’s a far different landscape than it was when they were children, and I personally think it’s one of the most difficult. As small children we were everything to our little ones, and although cranky teenage years may have developed, when it came to a crisis, we were the ones they fled to.
But, in the years following university and entering the workplace, it is a whole different ball game. Even now, over 5 years since we’ve been totally empty nesters, I still wonder if I’m doing the right thing with my two daughters on a daily basis.
As I said at the start of this newsletter, right now the UK and the world is in a precarious state and work, the economy and the cost of living is the worst it’s been for some years. So, these young adults tread difficult paths and it’s all I can do to stop myself messaging either of them in a panic to check they’re okay, or if I hear something in the media that I know will affect them, I’m there with sympathy and a bit of advice.
The sympathy might be okay, but, I’m reliably informed by those who know better than me, advice really isn’t wanted. Or, to be fair, asked for.
Adult children are forging their own paths, making independent decisions, and building lives that may differ from the ones we envisioned for them. This transition can sometimes lead to misunderstandings or feelings of disconnection. Recognizing this shift as a natural part of their growth is key to maintaining a healthy relationship.
I recently read a book that outlined the best way to maintain a good relationship with your adult child. It’s this one - “Doing Life With Your Adult Children”. It’s written by Jim Burns who is a parenting expert and is part of a parenting organisation based in America’s mid west, and a lot of the values and thoughts reflect that demographic (ie - rather different than ours) but it’s the odd throw away comment that resonated with me.
And this can very easily be summarised into the following phrase
KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND THE WELCOME MAT OUT
So, to give you some other tips, I’d like to share these with you. BTW - these aren’t all mine - the majority are freely given by experts online who know how to navigate relationships with grown children far better than I do.
Here goes….
Respect Their Independence
Accept that your children are adults now and may make choices that differ from your values or expectations. Respecting their autonomy fosters trust and mutual respect.
Communicate Openly and Without Judgment
Create a safe space for honest conversations. Avoid criticism or unsolicited advice unless they explicitly ask for guidance.
Set Boundaries
Healthy boundaries ensure mutual respect. For example, avoid overstepping into their personal lives or relationships unless invited. I’m highlighting this for myself more than anything!
Celebrate Their Achievements
Show genuine interest in their goals and accomplishments, no matter how small. This reinforces your support and pride in their journey.
Let Go of Past Conflicts
If there have been disagreements or hurtful moments in the past, work towards forgiveness. Holding onto resentment can hinder emotional growth for both parties.
Be Adaptable
Relationships evolve over time. Be willing to adapt to new roles—whether as a confidante, cheerleader, or simply a loving presence.
Prioritize Quality Time
Spend time together doing activities you both enjoy, whether it’s sharing meals, traveling, or simply catching up over coffee.
You’re not alone on this journey—many mothers face similar challenges and triumphs as they navigate this phase of life. Stay hopeful and open-hearted as you continue building lasting memories with your children. And, as if you need telling, be there with open arms and without judgement when they turn up on the doorstep in the middle of a crisis.
Just on a totally different tack, I want to ask my lovely readers how they sleep? I ask, because it’s an area very close to my heart and one where I’ve have had quite a lot of experience. You probably know I suffered from insomnia for around 4 years before after years of research and trial and error, I found the handful of solutions that worked for me.
And, because these were all logged and rated by me, I’m able to put all these solutions into a webinar that I’m holding on Thursday 24th April at 7.00pm GMT online where I will take about what I worked for me to regain good sleep. And because I’m not medically qualified, I’ve teamed up with the fabulous consultant clinical psychologist who specialises in sleep problems, Dr Jill McGarry of Sleep Better Doctor . Jill has spent years studying and researching best practice to advice clients and organisations on how to improve their sleep.
Jill will be able to answer questions and best clinical advice, so if your sleep is not what you wish it was, this might be worth investing in. You can find full details here .
So, that’ll be a wrap from me. I wish you both good, mutually respectful relationships with your adult children and nights of good sleep.
Till a fortnight’s time