Issue #10

The "Being Bold and Telling It Like It Is" issue

Yay! Issue #10

Hi There

Welcome back, and if this is your first issue, then doubly welcome to you! It’s great to have you along

How has relaxing the restrictions gone for you? Well, I hope.

Well, the news over in the 45 Not Out hub is that we’ve reached our 10th Issue! Yay! It’s gone so quickly and it’s been a total pleasure bringing you the previous 9 issues. And, as always, I hope that in some small part, it’s helped you in your everyday life. If so, that makes it all worthwhile :)

If you like what you read and you know of some other awesome women who could benefit from having a read, then you’re more than welcome to add them to the mailing list. As I’ve said before - the only way we’ll see any change in how women our age are viewed and valued will be by shouting loudly, and you need an army of voices for that. So share the love and add anyone you think who would be a great addition to our army. You can do that here

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SHOULD YOU GO GREY?

If the series of lockdowns has allowed us one thing, albeit something quite minor in the grand scheme of things, is to ponder whether to allow our chemical colour to grow out and allow our greyness, or “natural highlights”, as I once heard a hairdresser call my grey roots, to show. Indefinitely.

In other words, “Go Grey”.

This can strike fear into the heart of many a middle-aged woman who spends an absolute fortune on hiding her grey roots. I’ve never counted up how much I spend at the hairdressers just on colour treatments alone. It would send me on a complete meltdown knowing that I could spend that money on something else that would totally enhance my wellbeing. Enough for a yoga retreat in Greece or a series of expensive beauty treatments at a very nice salon? Probably. But I’m not yet at the stage where I can abandon my sessions with a very nice colourist at the hairdressers and a slathering of peroxide. I wish I was.

So why do we feel the need to cover up evidence of our ageing and panic when it is shown in broad daylight?

Well, according to the behavioural psychologist Professor Carolyn Mair, is that “we live in a youth-obsessed society where the norm is to eliminate any sign of ageing”. And, she explains, “not taking advantage of the many opportunities to maintain a youthful appearance is considered to mean not taking care of ourselves”.

But, if your inner critic is screaming loudly that you don’t need to cover the ever-growing evidence of your age, you have fashion on your side. You can’t walk around any city street without seeing some millennial woman (or younger) with hair dyed to resemble grey hair. Technically, it’s called “Platinum”, and if you’ve seen any young girl with hair this colour, you can see how stunning it looks.

But you know what, we have an advantage over the Millenials and Gen Z’s. As we grow older and our hair starts to become more and more grey our skin tone changes too. And, would you believe, that skin tone change blends with your changing hair colour and creates a beautiful contrast. Often the skin changes to reflect bluey tones and it’s this change of pallette that matches so well with the colder tones of grey hair. And to that a kick-ass red lipstick (if that’s your thing) and the look is stunning. No hair dye could ever replicate that colour match - much like the picture above.

So where are you on your “silver journey”? As I mentioned above, I’m not ready yet, but I’m in total awe of those who are and have either completed their journey and have a stunning head of hair that reflects who they are perfectly, or are in the throes of growing colour out with abandon and embracing their natural “highlights”

Either way, I’m in awe :)


SPEAKING UP FOR YOURSELF AT WORK

I’ve always struggled to speak up for myself in a work situation. I think it’s part a generation thing and also I was brought up not to “rock the boat”. So when I ventured out into the world of work I found it hard to question what my bosses said to me or to query an action if I thought it wasn’t right. So my assertiveness was never allowed to be developed and submissiveness became my default, sadly.

As it’s raised its head again quite recently, I thought I’d look into ways of dealing with sticky situations without causing friction. The biggest thing I found was to do a bit of perspective taking ie basically seeing things from the other person’s viewpoint and why they are asking you to do something you’d rather not or question your work etc.

The best analogy I found to explain this was where a bank in the US was held up at gun point with the robber demanding $2000 from the bank. The cool-headed bank manager realised this was a specific amount of money and asked the bank robber why that certain amount. By now the bank robber was quaking in his boots and honestly admitted to the bank manager that his partner needed $2000 for medical treatment (no NHS in the US, remember) and they were desperate where they would get it from. The bank manager then took the robber to one side and explained the bank had a loan system to help with this particular circumstance and helped the robber to make his application.

So, by analysing why this relatively decent but scared s***less guy had been driven to holding up a bank, the bank manager averted any shots being fired and possible loss of life etc.

“Speaking up and advocating for yourself might never seem like second nature—particularly if you’re used to rolling over. 

But, if you take a moment to understand where the other person is coming from, you’ll be much more empowered to voice your opinion in a way that’s constructive, rather than argumentative.” The Muse.com

Adam Galinsky, a social psychologist based at Columbia Business School in the US, is the chap who speaks about the phenonomen in an article from The Muse here


GETTING IT OFF YOUR CHEST :)

This T Shirt ad came up on my Facebook stream the other day, and I just had to click on it. How bold (but totally spot on!) is their message. It resonates with me because I grew into womanhood in the 1980’s and, unfortunately, the most influential women of that era were the Page 3 girls, who bared their chests for stupid amounts of money. This was so, so wrong, but that was the culture of the time, and anybody who tried to voice otherwise were branded as freaks. So I absolutely love the message this T Shirt (and other slogans) are broadcasting. The producers of this range of right on T Shirts are Spark Company . They describe themselves as “Badass feminist apparel & gifts” and are a totally feminist and ethical operation that produce clothing with very feminist (and funny) messages blazoned across the front. Messages such as “WELL BEHAVED WOMEN SELDOM MAKE HISTORY” and “WITHOUT HERMIONE HARRY WOULD HAVE DIED IN BOOK #1” (incidentally, my favourite). They’ve also got a great range of equally inspiring logoed tops for the LGBTQ+ community too. And to endear them into your heart even further, they donate part of their profits to two women-focused charities - Bloody Good Period and Akt

Needless to say, the order for my “Hermione” T Shirt is with them now :).


So there we go. Issue #10 done & dusted. I hope you found something of value in the articles and even if it helps you the tiniest bit in your everyday life, then it’s a job well done :)

I wish you health & wellness as the UK continues to strive forward in the unlocking of society.

Till a fortnight’s time then,

Take care,

Una x