EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
Because at this time of year, it's a hidden sadness we have to deal with.
Hello Again!
How the devil are you? Keeping well & safe, I hope
Well, September is staring us in the face, and with it comes the return to uni of our grown up children, for those of you who are in that situation. And, this could be thought of as the “private grief” of every parent in this situation. There isn’t much talk about Empty Nest in the media or society as a whole. So, as parents, we crash on with our lives and deal with that grief in private. And, of course, the last thing we want to do is let our departing child know what a mess we really are.
So, for those of you in this situation, I thought I’d drag the syndrome into the spotlight and offer you some tips - see the article below
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME - The reality and some tips to help:)
My two daughters are now through the uni years and out the other side, living their best lives. But I do sincerely remember the “stomach drop” when the middle of September arrived and we’d be driving either one of them to either Sheffield or London for another year of uni for them.
It’s a bitter-sweet time. They are rightly excited and looking forward to what the coming terms will bring them, and in my case, there was never a sweeter weekend spent when we visited either of them in their respective cities of residence during their term time.
But, in the the intervening time, the house seemed very empty and hollow without them being there. And it’s amazing how long it take you to stop thinking and working to the routine you had when they were home - it’s likely to have become your default over the years. But over time, it does lessen.
Over the years I spent being a mum of a student living away (8 in total), I developed a few tips to help me cope a bit better:
Find a project that you can pour yourself into. It can fill the time that you might normally spend ruminating on your loss. And if you find one that provides you with some sort of finished article, such as something you can display around the house, then so much the better. There’s no better lift than looking at something you produced yourself entirely.
If you’re not coping very well, keep their bedroom door very tightly closed until you feel strong enough to go in and clean. Yes, the dust will be settling to inches thick and you may find mouldy cups and plates under the bed, but they will still be there when you feel strong enough to go in and retrieve them. And a blast in the dishwasher will soon sort those dirty pots out ;)
Focus on physical well-being by exercising regularly is always a good idea, regardless of what you are going through. Find a routine that suits you and if you’re stuck for ideas, have a search on YouTube for fitness routines. Match this with trying to eat healthily - lots of fruit and veg - and following something like the Mediterranean Diet. Hand in hand with this is ensuring getting adequate sleep.
It’s also worth considering mindfulness practices, such as journaling, or meditation may help reduce anxiety and sadness.
However, I need to add a note of caution here, on keeping yourself busy. Don’t fill your time so much that you don’t have time to wallow a little bit. If a wave of sadness hits you hard, and your situation warrants it, allow yourself a bit of time to accept and experience it, even only for a short time. This helps your subconscious in accepting the change, and you will feel better afterwards.
I hope these tips help, but if you need a bit more support and kind words, I produced an episode of the 45NotOut podcast looking solely at empty nest syndrome with a Harley Street Psychotherapist - Sarah Calvert. Sarah explained fully why the syndrome hits so hard and offers advice and solutions about how to cope. You can listen to the episode here.
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So, that’ll be a wrap from me, but one that comes from the heart and I hope it helps those of you suffering from an empty nest right now.
If this is you, let me know what you think - I’d love to hear your thoughts.
With special love, at this time
Take care
Una x