CONFIDENCE TRICKS (good ones!)
Because confidence can be in short supply at our age…..
Hello there, dear readers.
A warm welcome back, as ever, to the most recent edition of the 45 Not Out Newsletter. And to those of you who are here for the first time - a doubly warm welcome :)
Confidence! From what I’m hearing around me, it’s something that tends to drip away as the years go by and by the time we hit menopause - well it flows away from us like a tsunami!
I’m sure I’m not the only one, in the middle of a challenging situation, to stand back and to wonder why I’m not coping as well as I normally do. Or why I’m second guessing what I’m doing, when me, pre menopause, wouldn’t have even stopped to doubt to what I should do. I’d do it - without a second thought.
Is that you, too? I’d bet there’s a high percentage of readers who are nodding their heads right now.
So, in this issue I’m looking at confidence and how a lack of it, no matter how small, can impact your quality of life.
Or could it be that men suffer from it just as much, but never admit to it? Probably, but doesn’t that apply to so many other things in life?
So, regardless of the status quo, see below for a few suggestions to help you get past those barriers.
QUICK CONFIDENCE BOOSTERS
Like most of us, a tumultuous drop in confidence seems to hit me when I’m facing something new or scary. It’s part of a being a pre- and post menopausal woman in today’s society, and as they say, nothing grows inside your comfort zone. So it’s good that these instances come along that challenge us to push ourselves well beyond the realms of what is comfortable. However, going through those challenges can be overwhelming at times, so here’s a few hacks I’ve gleaned over the years to help.
Here’s hoping they give you a bit of a boost next time you’re facing your nemesis :)
A sneaky peak at something inspiring.
Years ago I bought a palm size version of the late 90’s sensational book “The Little Book Of Calm” by Paul Wilson. It’s a very portal book - 3 inches x 3 inches - and I tend to carry it around with me to have a quick sneak when I need it.
It designed to be a dip-in book - each tiny page of the book contains just a few sentences, but these sentences are total pearls of wisdom. The book was written by Paul Wilson as a pick me up. For the sake of brevity I won’t go into too much detail, but for the times when I’ve been having a wobble (of which there are plenty) I’ve dipped into this book to find a subject that matches my situation and, as cheesy as it sounds, reading these empathic but uplifting sentences really helps.
Wear something amazing
If you’ve got a difficult day coming up, think hard about what you’ll wear. There’s nothing more empowering than knowing you look good and enjoying what you’re wearing. And if it needs it, carve out an hour or two, ahead of your big event, to try on your outfits that you think will suit the occasion in front of a good mirror and see how you feel in each outfit and how you look. Basically, its a sneaky hour or so of self care, which all feeds in to your confidence.
Let yourself have a bad day sometimes
Letting bad days happen without fighting them builds emotional tolerance. You gradually become more skilled at coping, dealing with unpleasant feelings, and bouncing back. Practices like “radical acceptance” are part of many therapeutic approaches. So says the mental health blog, Right as Rain
If you’re like me, your natural reaction is to try and find a way through the dark days we sometimes all experience. But, on doing the research for a previous newsletter of mine, Do you need a Duvet Day, where I talk about allowing yourself to experience the bad days, it was very clear that allowing down days builds your tolerance and resilience in the long run. And it was even clearer that to ignore and paper over the cracks just doesn’t work. You’ll be causing even more problems for yourself further down the line
So, if you’re suffering and your schedule for the day allows you to either stay under the duvet or slump on the sofa watching soppy films, then do it. I promise you it’s the right thing to do
Imagine yourself confident
A good trick that therapists recommend is to try and imagine yourself in somebody else’s shoes when you’re facing difficult situations. For example, you’re just about to step onto the podium to give a speech and you’re having the most horrendous wobble wondering what on earth you’re doing there - imposter syndrome at it’s worst. One of the things I’ve used has been to imagine someone I admire who I know would absolutely smash the challenge I’m facing, and taking a few minutes to imagine them in front of me where I step into their shoes and “become” them.
It sounds a bit woo-woo, but trust me, it works. I don’t know why it works scientifically - there may be those of you who do the scientific explanation reading this - and if you haven’t already tried it, it’s worth giving it a go
Step away from comparison
It’s easy to measure yourself against others, especially online. Does anybody else feel a tad less than worthwhile after a quick trawl on Instagram or Tiktok? For ages know, experts have been saying not to believe all that we see online, but when you’re there scrolling through all the glossy photos that you see, it’s very hard to not to.
But, if you can’t reduce the time that you spend on social media platforms, or don’t want to, then it might be worth practising getting the thought in your head that you’re comparing your blooper reel to someone else’s showreel. And they probably have just as big a blooper reel as yours. Honest!
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So that’s a wrap for the Confidence issue. I hope it resonated with you. Please comment if there’s anything you’d like to pass on, or if you have a comment or question, shoot! Or, if you’d rather send me an email, just reply to this newsletter - it will find me.
I thank you for reading and staying with me.
Till next time
Una x