BEING GOOD ENOUGH....
I'M DONE WITH PEOPLE PLEASING
Hello, lovely readers
I hope this newsletter finds you well? And as February marches on, isn’t it lovely to see that it’s still light around 5.00pm. It’s my birthday a week later this month (the 20th) and I’m always pleased that by then, we are usually eating our evening meal in daylight. Well, generally - it usually depends on just how cloudy the day is ;)
So, in this issue, I’m want to talk about doing stuff that is “good enough” rather than “perfect”.
Like a lot of women of my generation, I’m a shocking people pleaser. And I think that goes back to my childhood and having a father who was quick to criticise and slow to praise (if ever). It’s left me with a compulsion to make people happy and for the other people pleasers reading this (I bet there’s quite a few??) I think you know what I’m talking about.
The unease you feel when you can’t make the other person happy or content, and it drastically undermines your sense of self worth (you kind of assess how “good” you are from other people’s reaction to you). And when you’re getting the vibe that people aren’t pleased with you, well, the distress that stirs up - it can be unmanageable at times.
But with age has come a bit of a revelation.
Recently, I’ve been going about my day to day existence and odd thoughts have popped into my head. For example, I have an e-book currently for sale that I wrote a while ago. It’s all about sleep and when I was writing it I know I spent hours and hours researching scientific research and what the latest findings are in terms of the effectiveness of solutions as suggested by sleep scientists. And, as ever with everything I do, it’s written from a perspective of mid-life and older women. In the book I review all that I tried when I was trying to repair my 4 year hiatus of good sleep - I suffered from appalling sleep for 4 years. If you’d like to take a look at the book, you can download a copy here .
Anyway, the thought I had I about my beloved book was that it would now be out of date and need updating and a total re-write. Well, before I launched in and spent hours and hours doing more and more research and effort, I took time out to read the book, and do you know what - it’s still relevant and I’ve checked that the information is still current.
And do you know what it was that stopped me from launching in and doing all the work - a quiet little thought that slipped into my head that whispered that perhaps all I did before was good enough and still be current.
And, like I said - it was and is.
So, yes, I saved myself hours and hours of work, but the other thing I’m most pleased with, is the fact that the wonderful thought entered my head. Previously nothing like this would have done so, and without considering my previous efforts, I’d be down the road of re-writing all due to my inherent people pleasing or the fact that what I did before was good enough.
In all honestly, I can’t tell you why I’m starting to have this 180 degree u-turn when it comes to my thoughts and direction. It’s nothing I’ve done consciously and I like to think it’s due to age.
But whatever’s causing it, I’m not complaining.
And this wonderful about turn seems to seeped into other areas of my life too. Not just in work and work projects, but in stuff I do in my personal life too. Like not beating myself if I forget someone’s birthday or maybe not serving up the most perfect evening meal.
Previously with both these instances, I would have been mortified and would have apologised profusely to the extent of overkill. And this would have been to make myself feel better about the mistake.
But now, when I do stuff like this, I don’t get the same reaction. My brain seems to say to me - “Hell, you’re only human and we all make mistakes. They’ll forgive you”.
As I said, the only thing I can think of why this is happening, is one of the glorious truths about getting older.
Can anybody else relate to this?
If you can and you want to message me about this, just hit reply to this newsletter and it will find me.
So, that’s a wrap from me. I hope this issue resonated with you and could help in some small way.
If there’s anything you want me to cover, then again please just reply to this message and I can take a look
But, it just remains with me to thank you all for staying the course with me, and being loyal subscribers. It means a lot.
Keep warm, well and safe until next time
Una x
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