ACCENTUATING THE POSITIVE...
Because, until now, I didn't realise how powerful that can be!
Dear lovely readers
I hope you are all well and enjoying the days getting longer and brighter? It’s clear spring is on it’s way, but it’s been my experience that before we do traverse into Spring, that a last shot of winter blows in. It’s as if to say - not yet!
So if there is a last shot of winter, I hope it’s mild and quick and then we can carry on in the carefree days of the Spring and Summer.
I can remember from decades ago being given life advice to always look on the bright side of every situation, no matter how grave the situation is. Some of you will know, I’m in the middle of trying to keep my elderly parents (91 and 92) safe and well and, to reinforce with them just how lucky they both are to be in a good care home just around the corner from me and are well looked after.
But, they can’t see this at all. Being this age, they don’t have their full mental capacity, but it’s hells own job getting them assessed as this, and they are really very adamant that if they returned to their own home, they could cope.
And, without giving you their full medical history, they really, really can’t. I’ve seen it with my own eyes time enough.
So, I’m in the middle of a crisis that is overarching everything else. It’s impacting my time to work (which I need to do, financially); it’s impacting me having fun - they constantly ring me to tell me how fed up they are when I’m out and about somewhere and because they are so flaming hard to deal with (think vindictive and downright nasty) my blood pressure has soared for the first time in my life.
And I know this is a situation that many of you will have shared, or are perhaps experiencing now. If that’s the case, my heart goes out to you and know that it will pass in time - everything does.
I’ve called this issue of the newsletter “Accentuate the Positive” and even in the middle of this horrible time I’m going through, there are some positives. The first is that I’m surprised at my own strength in dealing with this. I’m an only child and everything falls to me, including a lot of decision making, and I can’t believe the clarity of mind that I’ve found during these times. I’ve also drawn boundaries - there are times when I haven’t put them first and have done the thing I was planning to do when I received one of their SOS calls.
I put myself and my sanity first, on these occasions. And I don’t feel guilty about it. Well, not too much. I tell myself that I need to remain in good health and strong to be able to ensure they are looked after as they should be.
I also mention in the header to this issue that concentrating on the good things helps get through the bad times. And that’s what I’ve been doing and I’ve found it really does lift me up. Of course, I still have the odd bad feeling about the situation my mum & dad are in, but focusing on other things in my life that give me pleasure - spending time with my daughters, a day out with my husband, seeing friends socially - really does help move the difficult situation to the back of my mind.
There will be those of you reading this thinking - of course it does, you silly woman! But, I can honestly say that it’s the first time in my life that it’s happened. I’ve tried many times before only to be overwhelmed by the bad thoughts concerning whatever bad situation I was experiencing at the time.
So, although I’m still wading through this parent-centred rubbish time, I lead my mind to picture the pleasant times I’ve mentioned above. And it helps - it really does.
So, if you’re going through a s****y times right now, give yourself a moment where you can go to happier, sunnier times in your mind.
Sending love, as always
Una x