WORKPLACE BULLYING.
And yes, it can happen even at this stage in our careers!
Hello lovely ones,
I this week’s edition finds you well and facing the world okay? I ask this because this week I’m talking about something that I know can and does affect how you face and feel in the world. And one I know only too well - having experienced it a couple of times over my working life.
And it’s a subject that is close to the bone for many women in midlife. It’s about something we don’t often talk about — but really should.
Workplace bullying.
And yes, research and my own personal experience proves that it still does exist at this time of our lives. You’d think that by this point in our careers, after all the years of hard work, experience and proving ourselves, bullying would be a thing of the past. But I’ve heard from so many women — particularly those in senior or long-standing positions — who are still on the receiving end of it. Sometimes it’s subtle; sometimes it’s blatant. Either way, it’s destructive.
Maybe you’ve experienced it yourself — a colleague who constantly undermines you, a manager who freezes you out of decisions, or a so-called leader who criticises publicly but praises privately (if at all). And the worst of all, in my experience, being micro managed to the degree where you’re afraid to make a decision in your work for fear of making the wrong one.
And please don’t tell me I’m not the only one who has been so fraught and undermined in their work that it heavily impacts the time where we’re not at work - evenings and weekends etc. I’m talking being unable to relax fully for going over and over what you did at work that day and then not sleeping because of what you’re going to face when you next go into work.
Whatever form it takes, the toll can be heavy — mentally, emotionally and even physically.
What happened to me…
I entered the world of work as a very naive 20 year old. And for me, that world of work meant a very conservative (and very badly managed) government department in Oldham, North Manchester. It was used to be known as “Local Office” that was government speak for somewhere that was responsible for dealing with queries from and interviewing local businesses regarding their National Insurance payments and employee payroll and, where necessary, going in hard to demand compliance with the legislation of the time.
And, just to give you a feel for the status quo of the time, the PM was Margaret Thatcher and her party of entitled fools, but anyone who was around at this time will know how hard line she was. And government departments operated in this way too.
So, I was in a job that I wasn’t really suited to but managed (for that read bullied) by another entitled fool who was a career civil servant with less than zero humanity and even less management skills. And, as a sensitive and naive 20 something, I struggled.
Fast forward 20 years, got married and moved to another county. At that time I had a school age family and needed a part time job. As it was a fairly rural area, there wasn’t as much choice for part time jobs, and the local council was offering exactly the hours that I wanted.
So I applied (and got) an admin role supporting a team of social workers at the council. I was good at the admin - I’d had a ton of computer experience by this point, and quickly made it my own. But what I didn’t have was the legislation knowledge of what I needed to know.
And despite my frequent requests for some training and guidance on what I was expected to know, none was given. So I struggled through about 18 painful months of this job, only to have a meeting where I was asked to resign or they would terminate my employment.
Guess what I did? I resigned and went straight into self employment and never really looked back.
But those experiences of bullying and unfair work practices had burnt a bit of a hole in me, and at odd times I think about them. But, I’m glad to say, I’m past the pain but get angry that totally incompetent managers and nasty human beings were in a put into a position where they could inflict such trauma onto other human beings.
And, although I’ve no statistics or research to support this, but isn’t if funny that where I was bullied the most WAS IN COMPANIES IN THE PUBLIC SECTOR!
Just let that settle for a while…..
What you can about it
If you find yourself in this position right now, then I send my total sympathies to you. A look online will tell you that you aren’t on your own and, to a degree, that offers some comfort in knowing that this is widespread.
So, as ever, I’ve done a bit of research online to find out from those who know better than I do about what you can do to ease the pressure a little bit until you find your way out of that toxic situation.
Here are some ways to protect yourself and start regaining your ground.
1. Name it for what it is.
Bullying thrives in silence. Once you call it by its name, you can begin to detach emotionally. Keep a factual record — dates, times, what was said or done, and who was present. This gives you a clear foundation should you ever need to escalate it.
2. Seek allies and support.
You don’t have to go through this alone. Confide in someone you trust — a colleague, mentor, a friend who understands your industry or even a union rep. And, if it’s needed, don’t underestimate the value of an external coach or therapist who can help you stay grounded and strategic. And see you through the most painful part.
3. Know your rights.
In the UK, bullying isn’t a specific criminal offence, but if it involves harassment linked to gender, age, race, or another protected characteristic, it’s unlawful under the Equality Act 2010. Your employer also has a duty of care to keep you safe from harm. The ACAS website offers practical, confidential guidance — it’s an excellent place to start.
4. Protect your energy.
Toxic behaviour can take a real toll. Make time for what restores you — walks, time in nature, exercise, journalling, or spending time with people who remind you who you truly are. You are not the problem. Their behaviour says far more about them than it ever could about you.
If this is resonating with you, please know this: you’re not imagining it, and you’re not weak for finding it hard.
Remember
By midlife, you’ve earned your stripes. You’ve navigated challenges, built resilience, and learned who you are. Don’t let anyone chip away at that.
Standing your ground isn’t confrontation — it’s self-respect.
If you’re in this very situation, I hope my garbled missive helps. Just know that this will end and by no means is it something you’ve caused.
And, if I’ve helped and you want to send a private message, just hit reply to this newsletter and it will find me.
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So that’ll be a wrap from me for this week.
Stay safe, strong & well and I’ll see you next week.
Una x