When We Become the Carers
Supporting Our Ageing Parents with Grace and Strength
Hello lovely readers,
I hope this newsletter finds you well and happy, as ever.
In this newsletter, I’m talking about a situation that many may find themselves in. It’s the role we sometimes acquire but never thinking in our earlier years that we may get to this situation.
And that situation is where many of us find ourselves stepping into a role we never quite expected — becoming carers to our ageing parents.
It’s something that creeps up gently, often while we’re juggling work, family, friendships, and our own hopes for what this chapter of life should be.
I know only too well how deeply this reality touches so many of us. It can be a time of gratitude and closeness, but also of exhaustion, guilt, and quiet heartbreak.
Until recently, I was a “kind of” a carer for both my parents. Not that my parents needed that much care, but they had physical ailments which meant they weren’t as mobile as they had been. My problem was managing them and making sure they weren’t doing anything that made them unsafe.
Fiercely independent, my parents would often be involved with buying things that they didn’t need or it was obvious they’d been “sold” to and possibly swindled out of money on goods that weren’t suitable for them.
And, I bet I’m not the only one.
So in this issue, I want to pause and talk about what it really means to care for those who once cared for us — and how we can do it with compassion for them and for ourselves.
When Roles Reverse
There’s a particular tenderness in watching our parents age.
The people who once guided us start to lean on us for help. Suddenly we’re organising GP appointments, sorting prescriptions, or worrying about whether Mum remembered to eat.
It’s a delicate, emotional balance — one that can leave us feeling stretched thin, especially when we’re already giving so much to everyone else.
But amid the responsibility and the rush, there are ways to make this time gentler and more sustainable.
A Few Gentle Reminders for the Journey
1. Ask for (and accept) help.
You don’t have to carry it all alone. Whether it’s sharing responsibilities with siblings, arranging professional support, or leaning on friends — allowing others in is a sign of wisdom, not weakness. Because, as so often you’ve probably heard, help and self care isn’t selfish. Because if you go down, the whole thing goes too! Please don’t try to do it all on your own.
2. Create soft boundaries.
It’s okay to say no to things that you can. Keeping up with work, organising the family and all the hundred and one things we have to do. Trust me - it’s okay to rest. Setting limits on when and how you help doesn’t make you unloving — it keeps you strong enough to keep showing up.
3. Stay connected with others in the same boat.
Talking with others who are in same situation of you. There is a rise of “carers groups” throughout the country and is purely there to allow time out and sharing of experiences and support. Talking to those who understand can make all the difference. Share your story, listen to theirs, and remind each other that none of us are walking this path alone.
4. Notice the moments that matter.
Amid the worry, there are flashes of grace — a shared laugh, a remembered story, the simple comfort of holding hands. Let those moments anchor you.
Holding Love and Responsibility Together
Caring for ageing parents is one of life’s most profound experiences. It asks so much of us — patience, endurance, compassion — but it can also deepen our understanding of what it means to love.
If you’re walking this path right now, please know you’re not alone. You are seen and honoured and I’m walking with you every step of the way.
Sending love to all the carers reading this.
Take care, as always
Una
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